Ever since I could remember, I often had this belief that life is fairly unfair; and thus complaining about it was useless. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right, I still complain. Not as much as the average person I guess, but enough to make one think I was average.
To blend in, no need in unwanted attention. Who wants to go through life with everyone asking “how are you so calm, what is your secret?” Instead no one asks me anything besides why are you so quiet… I observe my surroundings, I speak when I have something to say, some see it as rude others as weird, either way I am happy. At least I was until I met her, hold that thought!
Unlike life though, love has different rules altogether, and they are not printed anywhere for easy reference. It is almost as if you are making a pact with the devil.
“Dear Love,
I know you don’t care about me but if you could please give me a chance at this love thing, I promise my undying devotion and trust that you do exist. And no matter how scarred I come out of this, I will encourage those after me to make the same pact and so on and so on.”
Something along those lines, anyway, there are all sorts of quotes about love, but my favorite is
"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain."
- Marvin Jay M. Torres
Now I don’t know much about this Torres fellow, but I do I understand where he is coming from. All extraordinary artists will tell you their greatest works came from pain, and the greatest pain comes from love. At the moment of what may be my greatest pain, I’ll give you my love.
By the time I was 21, I had for the most part figured out women. I know! I had accomplished some great feat, but I never saw it like that. All I knew was women liked me and hell I got along with the opposite sex quite nicely. But for me, it was a little easier than most guys since I would move from relationship to relationship and carry on two or three at a time.
I had built up this ideology that I needed two women to complete me since when one would get me upset, I would just call the other who would make me feel better, neglecting the fact that at no point was I giving my undivided attention to just one female. Now this logic would had been just perfect if I did not have plans to settle down, the way I saw it was I was headed for a future marriage, with a mistress on the side. I mean no one wants to practice monogamy for the first time, on their wife to be.
Slowing down was hard, I was good at starting relationships and ending them, but maintaining them..., especially with just one person would be like an exercise in futility. My attention span was that of a three year old. I enjoyed the chase, and more so than the chase, the challenge. The chase was easy, you find out the girl likes you or some cases doesn't like you, you chase until you catch. But the challenge for me was an art. I only dated girls who were on the brink of giving up. The ones who were looking at becoming a nun or a lesbian, men had ruined their life and it was time for a drastic change. Now, since I was a young male at the time, most of these females haven’t reached 21 yet, but life was somehow meaningless after a few bad relationships.
The reward though, that’s what enticed me to change, two juicy rewards that I believed I could achieve:
One, CONTROL, to be master of his own domain, to see a beautiful woman and just keep walking as if she does not exist. Knowing that you have someone as beautiful waiting for you at home is all you can think about. Ignoring women advances, the flirting, the touching, the look. Every guy has seen a woman look at him in such a way that it seems with just her eyes she is saying “Come talk to me, I know you want to, why are you playing with me.” Needless to say, a plethora of men have fell victim to the look. But I wanted to be able to look the look in the eyes and kindly reply “No thank you.”
Two, LOVE, most guys who juggle women will often tell you they love one of them, or even both, with a straight face. Hell even I said this, but one fails to realize that it is difficult to love someone when you do not love yourself, and you do not love yourself if you are not honest with the one you “love.” Believe me you do not come to this conclusion until well past the “playa” stage. And after you do reach this explanation you may remain in a state of denial, for-ever.
Ok I believe I have stalled long enough, when I met Luv, I could had gone on some long tangent about her beauty, her smile, the way angels sung when she spoke or any other cliche that you've heard or seen a dozen times in a 1000 romantic movies. With that said, I will say she was a Goddess, someone Venus herself would envy, breath taking, neck breaking gorgeous. Not the kind of woman you dream about, because you could not sleep on her. I approached with caution , crossed the yellow tape and spoke, hoping my voice would not crack like a prepubescent teenager. I am the furthermost thing from smooth, when I first meet a woman, I crack jokes to mask my nervousness, hoping if she laughs she can only be thinking one of two things, either he's funny or crazy. Make that three she could think I'm both. But, instead of opening with a great one liner, the first words that came out my mouth was “Hi...” (To Be Continued)
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